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Why
Rhaevyn Became Wiccan |
I was raised Christian. I was baptized, went through First Communion, and Confirmed in the Lutheran Church. I was Christian because my parents were Christian. I had some Jewish neighbors, but I didn't know what they were all about. I didn't question it, either. We moved when I was eight and a half, so I was never really old enough to question it, anyway.
Religion, however, was never one of my favorite subjects. I never liked it, even though I could swallow and regurgitate the answers that I was taught and asked by various elders. Religion was just another thing that I had to learn, not something I wanted to learn out of sheer interest.
Interestingly enough, I was always interested in astrology and tarot and other "occultish" things. I didn't really believe in anything about them because I didn't know what they were all about. I always read my horoscope and searched for a tarot deck of my own. (I finally bought my first set of Rider-Waites in December of 1996.)
In high school, I still went to church and youth group, but I felt disillusioned. I was merely going through the motions. I didn't like it and I didn't understand a lot of things about God. I really didn't like the people that I had to deal with. Many of the kids in my youth group may be considered "good Christians" but they didn't act like it to me. They were cliquish and snobby and simply drove me nuts. I saw a lot of kids like that at church camps. They insulted people based on their weight or what music they liked...anything that kids would harass others about at a typical elementary or middle school. They did not stick together based on religion. They were not prime examples of what I thought a "good Christian" should be. Hearing it from my point of view, I'm sure Christians would say that they WEREN'T good Christians, but that's all because I'm telling this story.
Anyway, so I questioned things that no one had answers to. The gender question always bothered me (though I never said I thought God was a woman, and ONLY a woman) as did the question of "correctness" of other religions existing before Christianity in other parts of the world where Jesus did not visit. I questioned what form God really took and why should we determine it's okay to trash the environment simply because a book said God gave humans dominion over everything.
I then came across the word "agnostic" and decided it fit what I felt. I shied away from anything discussing religion and just decided that whatever I felt was right would hit me sooner or later. I still considered myself basically Christian, but that was because I didn't know what else to call myself when I was asked, "What is your religion?"
Then I met 'Hawke. One of the first questions he asked me was the one about my religion. I think my response was something like, "Well, I was raised Christian, so I guess that's what I am, but I am too agnostic to be sure." He then old me that he was Wiccan, a Pagan religion. I think at that point, we both scratched our heads in confusion, because I asked him was Paganism was all about and he asked me what agnostics are!
Then he told me about it...all about the reverence for nature and the belief in a God and a Goddess. Things began to make sense to me! When he told me that yes, tarot and astrology are used by many Wiccans, I realized that everything I had been following and feeling up to that point have basically been Wiccan. So to me, calling myself Wiccan was not putting off everything I had been taught, but giving the correct name to my beliefs.
Since then, I've dedicated myself to the Divine force that I see manifested as a God and a Goddess. I'm proud to call myself a Wiccan, and I will do anything to defend my rights, as well as the rights of others, from atheists to Zoroastrians, to allow us all to follow what feels right to each person. Now I am happy to discuss religion, and I wish I had found the name for my beliefs sooner. I may have felt separated from the Divine for a while, but now my faith has been renewed. You can call me a Born-Again Pagan.
(to
About Rhaevyn)
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