For lack of a better explanation, this is kind of a rambling thought that occurred to me after work one night when I was trying to decide why I take the time to continue to work on this site. Pardon if it sounds a bit dis-jointed. For once, I did not hand-write this first so I could edit as I typed it up. You get it fresh from my brain.

Okay, I'll try to cut the melodrama as much as I can. (I can't stand drama queens, so why would I want to be one?) There have been numerous occasions when, while working on a new section for this site, I look at what I'm doing, and ask myself why the hell do I continue to do it. Sometimes it seems there is no purpose to writing essays and information when it's so hard to spread that information to others. Sure, I have this site submitted to search engines and it's linked to other pages, but perhaps I feel like I'd be a sell-out if I applied to every award out there and asked for people to link sites. I don't have the time or the ethernet connection (we don't have DSL in my area yet for some reason) to make those promises real at the moment. Heck, I can barely make weekly updates right now. At the same time, I've played around with the idea of taking the information here and using it to write a book. Deity knows I need the money, and I have enough material to at least get it started. But again, I'd feel like a sell-out.

So this site tends to stagnate from time to time because I don't know what to do. And that drives me nuts, too. I want to help as many people as I can, but at the same time, I sometimes feel like this is not reaching those who need to see it. So instead of being trapped in a cycle of "How can I change the marketability of my site," I get into a mentality of, "Why bother?" I want to create information to keep people coming back, but even I run out of ideas at times. If *I* can't be interested, why would I think that anyone else is?

I've gone through this mental cycle so many times that you don't have to worry about me totally scrapping College Wicca any time soon. I've done the same thing with my campus group. So much energy was put into the group, its organization, and its maintenance, that sometimes I wonder if I know what I want to get out of it.

Well, to make a long story short, when I see the messages posted on the guestbook or e-mailed to me, I know I'm getting what I want out of all this work: I want to help people and let them know that there are others who understand their situation. I want them to know they are not alone, nor are they ignored. I want to be make sure that their questions are answered here if they are not answered anywhere else.

I know full well that College Wicca will never be as large as WitchVox or some of the other major Pagan sites. That's okay...the audience here is so much smaller that it's to be expected that we will never have over a thousand hits per day. But again, when I look back on the guestbook and e-mails, when I check the ratings in the Pagan Path Top 100 (College Wicca has steadily held its standing at around #49-50 since November), and when I see that people have come here from sites that I've never submitted to be linked to (such as the Young AREN links), I find that there truly is a sunrise to the "dark night of the soul": You. And in case you are not yet aware of it, I thank you all for visiting. While people send messages that this site has been helpful, it must be known that you are the ones that are so uplifting and keep this site going. You are my reason for writing.

(to Bird's Eye View Main Page)