It would be arrogant if I even thought I knew the mind of the God/dess, but I can say I know a few things:

We often call upon the God/dess to act as a loving parent when we are in need. Wouldn't it be nice if there was some omnipotent being who will coddle us every time we feel something is unjust? However, I just don't see God/dess working like that.

My form of prayer is to have a little chat with Her. (I'll use the feminine for simplicity's sake.) In July, 2000 my mother was dying of cancer, and She and I had a rather emotional chat one night. I was not asking Her to heal Mom or to take me instead, for I knew it was my mom's time to go. But I asked Goddess, "Why? Why me? Why her? Why now?" Mind you, at that time, I was one semester away from graduation and had just spent time with Mom making plans for December. Goddess was rather stern when she said, "Why not? If you can think of one good reason why I should let your mother live while others die, then I'll let her stay." She made me remember how, during my sophomore year of high school a classmate was happy when he was called out of class...what he didn't know at the time was that his mother was instantly killed in a car accident. She made me remember how another friend also lost her father in a car accident the year before. Here I was, visiting my mom every day at the hospital, knowing that this day would come, and I was complaining like a child. I could not think of a good reason why my mother should go on suffering like that. Sure, she was an amazing person, but amazing people die every day. Not many people had the same chance I had: To say goodbye.

I can only best describe Goddess' attitude as though She was telling me that death is a part of life, and we must learn to deal with it. So...I swear she was in the corner of my room that night...I looked Her in the eye and said, "Okay, so I can't give you a reason she should live. But you've given me this chance...let me be there when Mom dies." All I can describe is that she went from being a stern Mother Goddess who was teaching her daughter a lesson, to the Crone. She nodded once, then faded from my room. I don't want to say I "beat her" in a contest of wills, nor did I stare her down...but I did stare her in the eyes at that moment, and I knew that, even on those mornings when I hoped that the doctor would call and say that Mom passed in the night, I would be there at the moment when Mom died.

And I was there. I held Mom's hand as she died at 5:04 pm on July 7, 2000. It may seem cruel that the Goddess would not let Mom live when I so desperately needed her during my last semester. But Goddess did grant me my wish. She was stern with me, and taught me a harsh lesson.

It is for this reason I don't think God/dess worries too much about trivial matters such as a teenage crush, desiring a new sports car, getting a good grade when we haven't studied, or finding parking spots. (I have seen people try to invoke God/dess for matters such as these.) Don't feel foresaken when S/He does not appear for these matters. S/He is there to teach us our lessons when we need to hear them. S/He will help us when we need it, but don't expect a coddling Deity to dandy you about. God/dess can be as cruel as S/He can be kind in order for us to hear what we need to know.

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